Attempted Goodbye
by xkohleyesx
Summary: But do not worry for me. The ‘Chosen One’ will eventually fade away, your ‘Savior’s’ name will in time leave the papers, and the ‘BoyWhoLived’ will finally die. At last, I’ll be at peace. Harry Potter, seventeenyearold boy, can be at peace.'
1. Making Light of Death

So here it is... my first POSTED fic in, i think, years! mind you, i DID say 'posted'... i have others and this fic already has about... 7 chapters written for it. when i post them, all depends on you guys! ;) ditto with the other fics... if you like my writing, console me by saying so... honestly, i think its crap sometimes...

anyway, i have to get a few things cleared:

1. do not, i repeat, DO NOT own harry potter. gawd, i wish i did... that world is simply amazing... besides, if i did, things would be fairly different... HPHG for one, and sirius would be alive... DUH!

2. ive been told that thiscan berather depressing... cant say i disagree since i was kinda depressed when i wrote it... but implied suicide, talk of death... all that jazz, so if thats not your thing, maybe you should find a different fic... or read mine! id like that!

3. italics tend to mean thoughts... or letters being read in this case (cuz dont you think when you read...?)

4. things may not make sense now, but trust me, i actually know where im going with this!

5. the meaning of the bold periods that seem utterly random will make sense in later chapters...

umm... other than that, just tell me if ive made a clerical error so i can react accordingly and ENJOY THE STORY! (wow... kind of ironic to say that considering the plot... (smirks))

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_Thirty-first of July (happy birthday to me…),_

_slightly passed midnight, I believe_

_-_

_To whoever comes across the mess I've left behind-_

_I'm sorry about that, by the way… I'm sorry for many things, and I'm saddened in the thought that even in my demise, people will still have the repercussions of my actions weighing on them. _

_There's a mop in the cupboard, by the way. I know what you must be thinking: "Why is he telling us this in is last letter to the world?" Guess you could say I felt compelled to help in **some** way, seeing as I've failed you all in so many other, inexcusable ways._

_Now that I've come to terms with the fact that I've failed you (and you're fully aware of this latest development), I shall continue._

_As the years since entering the wizarding world increase, I've slowly come to realize that no matter how hard I try, no matter how hard I fight and scream and claw my way out of things, I can't seem to change the fact that failure follows me as a self-appointed shadow. And I can't seem to change the fact that all I seem to do is prolong the inevitable._

_Despite what you might think, I **have** been a failure. In many ways that have been made public (so I'm sure you know of them), but in many other ways; ones I hope will never see the light of day again._

_But enough about that._

_As I walked away from Dumbledore's funeral, I realized one thing:_

_Life is too short to be living it the way I was. And my fate couldn't be changed. (Damn that prophecy and the day it was uttered from that crackpot's mouth.)_

_So, for once in my ruddy life, I decided to take my future into my own hands (if you would call this much of a future…) _

_Oh, well. You will all move on eventually; I know you will. You're all more strong and intelligent than you might think. Otherwise, if you didn't move on, I might just opt to stay behind as a bloody ghost and haunt you for the rest of your living days (which would be no problem, seeing as how you refused to get over me in the first place)._

_Making light of death… I know: "How morbid can he get!" Trust me; live through what I have, and you'll find it all too easy. So easy, it's sickening. _

_But do not worry for me. The 'Chosen One' will eventually fade away, your 'Savior's' name will in time leave the papers, and the 'Boy-Who-Lived' will finally die. At last, I'll be at peace. Harry Potter, seventeen-year-old boy, can be at peace. _

_Please, after all is said and done, I only ask, nay, **beg** one thing of you all (other than forgetting me immediately!): _

_Do not take the blame of my end onto your shoulders. It is far too heavy of a burden for any one person to bear and none of the people I know deserve to harbor it. Except perhaps Voldemort, but that is a topic best left untouched…_

_Believe me when I say that not one person I hold dear to me is to blame for anything, except giving me the best possible life they could give under the circumstances. You loved me with all you could and I loved each of you, in your own right._

_Here, I must once again ask your forgiveness; I was always dreadful when it came to emotions and feelings (having had them beat from me as a child) and I know I never once showed just how much I cared for you all. I am truly sorry for what a disappointment I must have been to you all._

_Well, must not delay the inevitable for much longer ..._

_... Within a blink of an eye, I had apparated to the only home I had known in my seventeen pain-filled years on this planet, Hogwarts, and that is where I find myself now. _

_It is also where you will find me, perhaps hours (or even days) from now._

_I suppose in hindsight (of an event that is yet to occur… I wonder if that word really applies…), my rationale for my actions can be explained in one way:_

_Voldemort must be destroyed, killed for once and for all ... I concluded that nonexistence by my own hand would be better than allowing Voldemort the pleasure or my friends the agony (though I doubt any of you would have been able to off me anyway… smirks)._

_This must be done._

_And so, I go down in a blaze of my own glorious misery._

_I love you, and I'm sorry I failed you so much in the past. I only hope this is retribution enough in your eyes._

_Goodbye and see you in the afterlife (insert patented Potter lopsided-grin here)-_

_((HJP)) Harry James Potter _

_P.S. Enclosed are letters charmed to be sent to the name written on their fronts. Simply hand them off to Hedwig; she'll know what to do._

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so what are you waiting for! REVIEW! 


	2. Friend Remaining

(A/N: so heres the second chapter. i dont know... i think it might be a little OOC but hey, i like it. once again, very depressing. if youre not into all that, you might want to not continue reading. after all, it always darkest before dawn... things will only get worse before they get better. enjoy! lol

oh yeah, the stupid line separater wasnt working so i improvised. :) also, i dont HP- IF ONLY!)

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Fifth of August, 5:30 at night

Ron Weasley ran to the owl with an ecstatic and very un-manly leap for joy. It didn't faze him much as he made his way to the bird perched just inside his window. At last, Harry had replied to one of his many letters!

Though the redhead would rarely show it, he cared for Harry almost more than he did his own blood brothers. He had been worried when Harry had once again shut himself away from his friends as he was holed up with his muggle relatives over the summer break. It had been nearly three months since Ron had heard anything about Harry other than the fact that he was spending most of his time in his room on Private Drive, reading. Even _that_ small tidbit of information had come from one of the Aurors guarding the house, rather than from the boy in question.

Absentmindedly scratching the owl on the head, Ron was astonished to find that it was in fact Hedwig that stood on the sill of his open bedroom window, baring her leg with a letter tied to it.

Ron examined the bird with hesitation.

Was it just him, or did Hedwig look thinner? Upon closer inspection, he realized that she was not only considerably thinner, but her plumage lacked its usual snowy-white luster and even a few patches of feathers here and there.

"Hedwig, are you alright?" Ron asked with a voice filled with concern. He looked from the balding places dotting her body and turned to her amber eyes. Eyes that were filled with pain.

With a slow blink, Hedwig gave a single, mournful hoot before painfully taking off once more.

Ron watched his best friend's bird dip dangerously in the air. He suddenly feared for her ability to fly and turned to grab his broom to retrieve her, only to find that the bird was merely a dot on the horizon once he had turned back.

Sighing, Ron turned away from the window and back to his room. He knew Harry would have his bum for letting the owl fly off when she was obviously quite ill. Landing with an _oomph!_ on his bed, Ron looked back to the envelope in his hand.

Ron quickly recognized the slightly scrawled letters of his best friend's handwriting, and eagerly ripped open the peculiarly emerald-colored envelope, only to reveal a lengthy letter written on a slightly lighter shade of the hue.

Ron rolled his eyes. _Only Harry would get parchment that would match his eyes._ But the admonishing thought didn't stop the idea of flaming red paper from popping into his mind. He grinned at the idea.

Finally, Ron began reading the slanted letters that his friend had written.

Slowly, the grin on his face melted into a grimace. His face first paled to white, before then acquiring a green tinge that quickly, sickeningly resembled the parchment in his hands.

_Dear Ron-_ It began,

_I'll dispel with the pleasantries from that point. I'll attempt to keep myself in line as I write this, but I must say it will be rather hard: I happen to find this whole situation rather comical in a morbid sort of way and I've developed a rather sick sense of humor in my final weeks in this place._

_To begin, I must say that I am sorry for… well, everything. _

_I am sorry for all that you have had to put up with for the past six years. _

_I'm sorry for the trouble I've caused you and your family. _

_I'm sorry that my mere existence as your friend put you all in more jeopardy._

_I'm sorry that I've acted like a git and a prat and was just so stupid sometimes to just stop and think of my friends._

_I am sorry for all those things and more but I am very sorry that, for a while after finishing reading, you'll probably look as sickly as I suppose Hedwig did when she delivered this letter._

_By the time you have read this parchment, my body will have already been discovered in the North Astronomy tower. I suppose it is rather fitting that this be the place where I take my last breath. After all, it seemed to work fairly well for Dumbledore (morbid sense of humor, see?)._

Ron collapsed into small sobs. He couldn't believe it. It wasn't possible. Harry couldn't be- Anger welled up in his chest alongside sorrow, and Ron very nearly jumped from his bed, wand at the ready. Continuing reading, he settled back onto the mattress of the bed Harry had once slept on.

_Now, Ron, before you go storming off to avenge my death by killing the loathsome bastard who had the gall to murder me, in my home no less, I must tell you that that man is already dead. You see, I killed myself. _

Without taking in another word, Ron dropped the parchment to the floor as if it had burned him and just as quickly, he rushed from his room and into the nearest loo.

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Ron spent twenty minutes crouched over the toilet, emptying the contents of his stomach one moment, only to find that more was to come as he finally settled back. Finally, when nothing else would come but bile, Ron curled into a ball on the cold tile floor and sobbed into his knees.

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He didn't know how long he spent in that position, but his thoughts were quietly interrupted by a tentative knock on the door he had hastily slammed behind him.

George Weasley's voice floated through the thin wood. "Little brother-"

"-are you alright?" Fred Weasley's voice completed for his twin in their typical manner.

Restraining a sob, Ron croaked out a response from a raw throat,

"Go away." The voice that came out was almost unrecognizable as Ron's own.

"So, we'll take that as a 'no'." One of the twins quipped. Ron didn't care which, how could he when his best friend had-

With another heave, Ron's stomach somehow found more to expel, much to Ron's chagrin.

Hearing the sound of something once again hitting the water of the toilet bowl, the twins exchanged a worried glance.

"Now, Ron," one called again. Ron feebly thought it might have been Fred. Weakly, he wiped the back of a hand over his mouth. "If you've gotten yourself into trouble-"

"-no one will shun you from the family," the other (George?) took over. "I'm sure Mum would be beside herself to be a grandmother-"

"-but honestly, if you **_do_** decide to keep it-"

"-this morning sickness is rather ridiculous!" Both twins chuckled at their younger brother's expense and at the jokes they had just made.

With one swift move, the bathroom door opened, revealing a very green, very pale, very angry Ron.

Ron's blue eyes blazed with fury as he shoved past his shocked brothers and headed back to his own room. George attempted to stop him with a hand on his arm, but Ron turned violently on them.

"GO AWAY!" he screamed at the redheaded pair.

Quite taken aback, but not leaving him alone without an explanation, Fred began, "Ron-"

"-we didn't mean anything by it-"

"-we were just joking-"

"-like we always do-"

Ron's expression quickly turned from one of ferocious anger to that of a little boy whose pet dog he'd had his entire life had just been run over by a car. Tears welled up in his eyes once more, as he whispered to his brothers a pleading request,

"Please, just sod off." With that, Ron slowly but firmly shut the door in the twin faces of astonishment.


	3. For All Of Us

Fifth of August, 7:45 at night; supper time

"I'm telling ya, Mum, there's something seriously wrong with him!" Fred and George exclaim in unison at dinner that night. The family, minus Ron, had barely sat down to the table to eat, when the twins had burst out what both had been thinking since their exchange with Ron.

Molly Weasley was slightly taken aback by the fierceness of their yell. She looked between the two twins, noting the concerned looks on both, then turned to the empty chair next to them.

"Molly?" Arthur Weasley questioned from the opposite end of the dining table.

Still slightly skeptical, Molly answered. "Well, it certainly isn't like Ronald to miss a meal…"

The twins, relieved to have her at least accepting the possibility that something was wrong, decided to speak up once more.

"I'd wager he just didn't want to have another full stomach-"

"-like earlier when he spewed his stomach out for nearly twenty minutes-"

Once more, Molly was taken aback. Had her youngest son really been _that_ ill without her even noticing?

She then narrowed her eyes. More than likely, this was the result of some prank the twins had pulled on Ron while he had been distracted.

The twins immediately saw her change of mood and knew what she was thinking.

"Mum! Do you honestly think we'd prank the little bugger-" George began with an air of indignation.

"-then tell you all about it?" Fred completed, the same indignation present in his voice.

Molly's face clouded with concern once more, her eyes glancing up the stairs in the directions of her second youngest's room. Contemplating what to do, she decided it was best to wait; give time for the boy to come around.

"Or perhaps I'll stop in after supper…" she mumbled aloud, piercing a piece of broccoli with her fork.

A few floors above the family's dinner, Ron sat on his bed, staring at the mint-green parchment still resting on the floor.

He'd been staring at it for at least half an hour, he was sure of that. He was simply at a loss of what to do. Should he pick it up and read the rest? Should he hand it over to his parents to deal with? Should he call on Hermione?

The last idea gave Ron a chill. He would hate to see _her_ reaction to the note…

With a final surge of Gryffindor bravery, Ron knelt next to his bed and carefully placed his fingers around the paper. A foreboding feeling filled his entire body and Ron had to fight the urge to crush the eerily beautiful parchment into a ball.

Taking a deep breath, Ron brought the paper within reading distance and skimmed past what he'd alright read and landed on the finally sentence that had pushed him over the edge.

_You see, I killed myself._

Ron felt the bile rising in his throat as the words flashed before him and became the only thing he could see. A tear silently slid the course of his face and deftly dropped to the page below, obscuring the words.

With a blink, Ron read on.

_I am so sorry to have to tell you this way, Ron, but believe me when I say that it was the only choice. It had to been done. Maybe some day in the future, you'll be able to forgive me; I know right now, the idea of me being gone must be making you sick. Literally._

A glimmer of a smile ghosted its way onto Ron's lips but for a second. Harry knew him so well.

_He **had** known me so well._ Ron corrected. Reality crashed back into place once more. He continued reading.

_I know it doesn't make much sense now, but there was a reason that this all happened; it was the only way to get rid of **him**. Trust me when I say this will be worth it once the Aurors decide to come out of their thunk-headed stupors long enough to make their way over to Albania and finish the** 'Lord'** for good. _

_I know you must be worried about the prophecy. Well, I've fulfilled it and simply by pointing my wand at myself, no less! (laughs slightly)_

_If you'd like more details, I believe I'd be correct in assuming that Headmistress McGonagall has my master letter, the one explaining… well, EVERYTHING!_

_Once again, Ron, I'm sorry. Merlin! I just can't seem to say it enough times to actually make it feel like it means anything! Argh! And for **that** I am sorry!_

_I want you to know something. You were, are, and always will be my best mate. We may have had out ups and downs (not entirely my fault, mind you) and one of us my have had the emotional range of a teaspoon (ahem) but somehow, it worked._

_It may sound sappy, but you were the brother I never had and you gave me a family that actually cared for my health, happiness, and wellbeing._

Ron was once again openly crying, occasionally wiping the tears away with the sleeve of his shirt.

_Thank you, Ron, and I love you like a brother. And a best friend. _

_Please, don't spend your life mourning over me. Live abundant and fulfill all of the dreams you saw in the Mirror of Erised during our first year and so much more. Mourning me will only hold you back._

_Remember me, yes, you would be an awful friend to forget great ol' me, (), but I want you to promise to grow up and have several little red-haired Weasleys running around, making trouble at your feet. Heaven knows, your mum would be over the moon to be a grandmother._

Ron blushed at the thought of Harry imagining him as a father already.

_Who knows, maybe some of them will have the same blonde hair and dreamy look to their eyes as their mum has…_

Ron was gob smacked. Harry couldn't possibly be talking about-

_You know who I'm talking about, so don't even feign stupidity (though it's not too terribly difficult for you… I'm joking, of course! Alright, maybe I'm not, but you can't pummel a dead man so I figure I can say whatever I wish.); just ask her out already! I know she's just been waiting for you to make the move. Go ahead. I can tell these sorts of things; you're meant for each other._

_But enough of that; I'm surely embarrassing you and probably your mom as well, as I recon she's reading over your shoulder by now._

_Hello, Mrs. Weasley! (waves to her)_

Ron heard a smile gasp over his left shoulder, knowing his mum was there and that she had read the part mentioning her… while, well, reading over his shoulder.

_How does Harry do that?_ Ron found it increasingly hard to think of his best friend in the past-tense. Sighing, he finished reading what remained of the letter.

_Well, I suppose this is it then… Oh, you should probably know that the letters are enchanted to be sent to the owner at their earliest convenience. Yours I believe is first…_

_And to those who questioned why they did not receive a letter, simply tell them that the preparation for my death took a fair bit longer than the actually act itself! (throws up arms in exasperation). Didn't I warn you about my morbid humor?_

_Ron, there is one last thing I am sorry for: I'm sorry that this was the way it had to end. I wish it could have been any other way. But there wasn't, it's happened already, and the war will be over soon because of it._

_Forever your best mate and brother,_

_((HJP)) Harry James Potter_

_P.S. Hmm… 'Harry' is a rather fetching name, isn't it? (hint, hint). Oh, right, subtly is not going to go far in this letter… ONE OF THOSE RUGRATS RUNNING ABOUT YOUR FEET BETTER HAVE SOME PART OF MY NAME AS SOME PART OF THEIRS (winks with a mischievous grin)._

Molly Weasley abruptly pulled her second youngest child to her chest, hugging him for dear life. Sobs wracked both their bodies as Ron's resolve finally broke once more.

It was some time later that Ron fell asleep, still cradled in his mother's embrace.

Molly shushed and muttered nonsense as she rocked Ron's grown body from side to side as if he were still the four-year-old that had run into her and Arthur's bedroom at night when he had a bad dream.

_How could this have happened?_ She silently mused. _Barely seventeen and already cut down… and by his own hand. _Somehow she felt like it was her fault. Maybe if she had brought him around to their place more often… Or if she had simply insisted that he wasn't to be left alone at those dreadful muggles' house… Or… Or… Or… Maybe he wouldn't have-…

Molly's motherly steadfastness quickly melted to the point where once again, sobs coursed through her body. Why hadn't she helped the poor, broken young man when she had the chance!

"Mum?"

Molly started at the sound of Ron's gravelly voice. Though her sobbing had ceased the moment he had woken, tears still streamed down her face.

Reaching a hand to wipe the tears away from his mother's eyes, Ron looked her in the eyes and quietly spoke,

"Mum, it's not your fault. There was nothing you could do; nothing _any_ of us could have done. He said there was no other choice and because of it, V-Voldemort-" Ron proudly stated the name aloud. He feared the monster no longer; his friend had made sure of that. "-can finally be destroyed."

Molly wasn't convinced. The poor boy had to have been deeply depressed to have performed such a stunt. "But-"

"Harry wasn't suicidal, Mum. I was his best mate; I'd have known it if he had been." Tears sprang to his eyes again. "He sacrificed himself, his future, for all of us, for all of our futures."

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((A/n: i'm absolutly in love with all of you reviewers! you make me want to post a new chapter every time i get a new review! princess prongs- your review especially made me smile! i'm so glad you guys think i write well :D beams)


	4. Farewell, Pup

a/n: i fixed the dates and such on the other chapters... trying to establish my timeline that was somehow NOT put in the final version mumbles angrily

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Sixth of August, just after daybreak

Remus Lupin emerged from the darkened cellar and into… the equally dark foyer of Grimmauld Place. Giving a mighty stretch to sooth his tight muscles, Remus headed towards the front door, but stopped halfway to grabbing the knob. He growled with frustration. All he wanted to do was warm his fur in the summer sunshine.

With a laugh, Remus turned back down the hall, instead, heading to the kitchen.

As the kitchen door swung shut behind him, he fully realized just how stupid his own thoughts had been. _No_ werewolf could warm his fur in the sun. Even the idea was absurd.

_Though I could still use a bit of sun…_ Remus mused, sitting down, as he caught the reflection of the sallow-faced, sleep-deprived man staring back at him from his spoon.

With another howling laugh (though still a fair bit weak because of the transformation he had undergone the night before) and ravenously attacked the oatmeal Tonks had set out for him that morning.

With a grunt, he inhaled the nearly raw bacon beside the bowl and then attacked the glass of pumpkin juice after that.

With a sigh, Remus scooped more oatmeal into his bowl. Tonks, he had quickly found, wasn't as half a bad a cook as one would expect considering her clumsiness in every other aspect of life. It was her hardy breakfasts that eased his mind every morning.

A smile played on Remus' lips as he lifted a spoonful of oatmeal to he mouth again. He was really starting to-

Something caught his eye. A hint of green protruded from behind the pitcher of pumpkin juice.

Remus' breath caught in his throat. He barely registered the sound of the spoon slipping from his grasp and clattering in the bowl below. His eyes began to glaze over. All he was aware of was the emerald green envelope sitting in front of him.

A sorrowful hoot startled Remus out of his daze, drawing the werewolf's eyes finally away.

Remus was sure he had felt his stomach plummet to the floor as his eyes locked onto the amber orbs of Harry's oldest friend.

Hedwig let forth another hoot and Remus couldn't help but think that the poor owl was crying.

With one swift motion, Remus brought Hedwig to his chest, firmly but gently giving her a hug he knew they both needed.

"Say it isn't so, girl." He whispered into the owl's snowy feathers. She hooted softly once more, her heart broken. Remus heaved a sigh as his own heart broke and the tears he'd attempted to hold back poured from his eyes.

For the longest time, the werewolf sat stroking the feathers of the owl, tenderly avoiding any spots where the feathers had nearly molted away.

At last, Remus reached around her to the table and grabbed several strips of the nearly raw bacon. Gesturing for Hedwig to take it, Remus was dismayed to find that she refused to. _No doubt punishing herself…_

"Now, come on, girl. You know he would hate to see you waste away like this." Remus coaxed gently. He thought the bird would once again refuse but was relieved when he heard the owl give a hoot and reluctantly grab the slices from his hand.

When the meat met her mouth, however, she ate with renewed vigor and gobbled down the remaining slices quickly. She looked from Remus to his abandoned meal then back again. Remus all-too willingly gestured her to eat as she pleased and she stepped from his arm to the table to attack the nearly full bowl of oatmeal.

Remus watched as his meal quickly disappeared without him eating another bite. He couldn't, even if he wanted to. Besides, Hedwig needed it more than he did; she probably hadn't eaten since-

Remus' eyes welled up again. He returned his attention to the emerald rectangle still stationed behind the pitcher. Hesitation once again gripped his heart, but he knew he had to read it.

With a shaking hand, Remus reached out and plucked the envelope from its hidden position.

Tentatively, he slipped a finger under the edge of the seal bearing the Potter family crest (the result of a gift Remus had given him only weeks prior).

He read from the pale-green parchment,

_Dear Moony-_

_I am sorry._

_I know you must realize what this letter implies; after all, you were the one who told me of the ones you'd received from both my parents, Sirius, and even Dumbledore. _

_What do you think of the color? I daresay I was rather impressed with the color that was produced just moments after I'd performed the spell. Who knew something like paper could come so close to matching my eyes or the sparkling of an emerald? (Oh, don't look so shocked, Moony; it wasn't a terribly difficult spell to find and learn.)_

_But I'll put joking aside for now._

_As you're well aware by now, I am dead. I will tell you exactly what I had to tell Ron: Don't go running off, wand at the ready, seeking revenge. _

Remus sunk back into the chair at the table, gently placing his wand back in his pocket.

_There is no one to blame for this ordeal except one (well, two, if you wish to be technical) person. That person is Voldemort and by all means, take out your revenge out on him for every bloody person that monster has killed, but first, hear me out._

_Voldemort has been responsible for nearly everything that has gone wrong in my life; I blame him completely for what he's done and what has happened to me, but please, Remus, understand that the **'Dark Lord'** was far from forcing me to write this letter at wand-point._

_I blame him because it is his fault that I was forced to take my own life._

Remus let out a gasp of pain. He didn't!

_Oh, so predictable Moony. I can just see the reaction on your face and all I can say is that it is the complete and utter truth._

_I am sorry once again. It seems the only words I am able to mutter as of late are those four simple syllables and never have they felt so meaningless in my mouth._

_I'm sorry the worry I've produced in you. _

_I'm sorry the pain I caused you when Sirius was killed trying to save me._

_I'm just so sorry for so many things but there's one thing I will never be sorry for, for the rest of my life (kind of an empty promise, I suppose, considering…well, my **after**life then):_

_I'm not sorry that I met you. You became somewhat of a father to me after both my **true** father and **god**father were murdered. I know it was something you weren't obligated to do and yet, you stepped up and became my pack leader. Thank you. I will always love you for it._

_Well, now that the sappiness is out of the way…!_

_You should probably know that no, I'm not deeply, insanely depressed, no, I'm not suicidal from said none-existent depression, and yes, I have a good reason for turning my own wand against myself._

The thought made a shudder crawl through Remus' veins

_By the way, I'd actually kind of like the idea of the 'Potter Curse' making its way into the wizarding world, though I fear it may be too powerful…_

Remus was flabbergasted. Harry had created his own curse and then performed it on himself!

_Remus, I must ask two favors of you before you pass out from shock._

_The first is that I want you to be the one to take Voldemort out. Any witch or wizard could kill him now, but I believe **you** deserve the right to watch the remaining life leave the monster who is responsible for the loss of your three best mates (yes, I'm even counting Wormtail in there), the wife of one of your best mates, their son, your leader (the manipulative, little prat that he was), and most of all, part of your humanity consumed by the wolf._

His eyes glazed over. He didn't think he could continue… but, of course, he _had_ to.

_The second favor is that you not spend your life mourning those you've lost. Trust a man with experience; it's not as fun as it might sounds. Don't forget me or the others, but keep us in your breast pocket, ever near your heart._

_Oh, and Moony, I have a great way for you to start your new life once ol' Voldy is gone (winks) and she just happens to be sitting beside you._

A familiar hand grasped the one Remus had lain on the table. He didn't need to look; he knew it was _her._

"Oh, Nymph-" was all Remus could get out before the younger witch wrapped her arms around him protectively. She shushed him like a mother with a child and rocked him back and forth, much like Mrs. Weasley had done with her youngest boy the previous day, though they didn't know that.

Remus pulled away from the woman's loving embrace and stared into her eyes, eyes he had rarely seen in their normal shade before… until now.

With only a slight hesitation, the couple leaned forward, meeting in a tender first kiss.

Sighing as he opened his eyes, Remus turned back to the green-parchment still tightly grasped in his hand.

_(smirks) Now that you two have gotten your acts together, remember to live happily ever after, or however the muggle fairy tales end._

_Oh, by the way, I already told Ron to name one of his kids after me so you'll have to fight over who gets what part. Though I wouldn't be surprised if a 'Harry' **and** a 'James' wiggled their way into your pack._

_Love always and _bon chance_ to the future newlyweds-_

_((HJP)) Harry James Potter_

_P.S. HAHA! I'm terribly sorry but the thought just came to me: A werewolf and a metamorphmagus… having children… I reaffirm the 'good luck' from earlier! (beams)_

Remus laid down the paper with a sense of completion. A slight blush still peppered his cheeks. _Honestly! That boy can be so… incorrigible!_

_He **was**_, Remus forcibly reminded himself.

"Oh, pup…" Remus muttered before pulling Tonks back into his arms.

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okay, i know, the letters might be getting annoying, but i have a plan! oh yes, and if you have any questions, simply ask. i'll try my best to ease your confusion . . . or i may just be mean and tell you to wait until the answer is revealed in the story. Either way... : )


	5. New Future

a/n: this one's short but we're slowly getting there!

(you guys! i'm saddened! the other day i was reading a JKR interview on an HP site and she kept going on and on about how _the redhead_ is supposed to be harry's "ideal woman" and that they're "worthy of each other". it just made me sad to think that harry and hermione (who are **truely** meant for each other) will never be... (sobs) i respect JKR (why else would i be using her characters (with NO PROFIT, might i add) if i didnt?) but harry and ginny? NO WAY. it kind of makes me lose my will to write... (tear)

anyway, enjoy the chapter!

_-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------_

_Sixth of August, just before dawn_

_Nymphad- er… Tonks (don't wallop me!)-_

_I suppose there is much to be said and explained but I do believe I'm running short of time and patience… As well, I fear I'll loose my nerve if I delay much longer. Because of that, this will be a rather short goodbye. _

_Forgive me. You deserve to have so much more than just a few chicken-scratch lines, but I knew a letter to you was necessary._

_I won't be around for very much longer (the details are not relevant at this time, but you'll find out soon enough, I'm sure) and there are a few things that I must ask of you:_

_First off, I must thank you. Ever since I met a certain spiky, pink-haired witch in my family's entryway one night, I've always seemed to have had at least one person on my side (speaking in terms of the Ministry, of course (winks))._

_Second, I expect I must tell you that you are now the new heir of the great and powerful Black family fortunes. Don't argue, because it can't be changed now. I just thought it would be nice to warn you before a Gringgotts' letter arrived with your morning post to inform you of your new possessions. _

_I understand all too well how much of a shock those can be **without** warning… (sigh) _

_I do miss him greatly…_

… _Well…! Best not dwell on the past then! On to your future…_

_By time this letter reaches you, you will have control over everything. Except- Oh! Did I mention everything is joint with Remus…?... Could have sworn I said that somewhere… (hint, hint)_

_(Potter laugh)_

_(sigh) In all seriousness, however, I must ask a very large favor of you, Tonksie:_

_I must ask that you look after Remus once I'm gone. I know that this will weigh so heavily on him and I know that he'll try to harbor all the guilt and blame himself._

_Please, I ask, **do not** let him because no one is to blame. Tonks, I'm so afraid for him as it is; I would hate to see this take its toll…_

_What I ask is simple: Live happy, raise little pups- I mean, kids (smirks), and remember the good of the past._

_**That** is my last request. Be happy! _

_Take the money and build a beautiful life together in the safety after Voldemort's defeat._

_Oh, I didn't mention that part! How silly of me… You can kill him now, by the way. He's mortal, so get to it!_

_Honestly, Aurors… always showing up just **after** the fight… (smirk)_

_Please, just do these few things, Tonks, and I can die a happy man. _

_Now, if I'm not mistaken, the full moon was last night… _

_Go find him. He'll need you now. Trust me._

_Always- well, no more-_

_((HJP)) Harry James Potter_

Nymphadora Tonks sat on her bed in Grimmauld Place with a hand held delicately to her mouth. Tears glistened in her eyes as she finally finished the letter.

She stared at the carefully written signature at the bottom of the pale-green parchment still held firmly in her other hand.

Tonks slowly took in a shaking breath.

She couldn't believe it. It couldn't possibly be possible. It sounded greatly like a suicide note to her. **Too much** like a suicide note. It sounded too similar to-

She closed her violet eyes against the unbidden thought that had invaded her mind. There was no way she would think of _that_. Not now. Not ever.

Inhaling another deep breath, collecting herself, Tonks stood, her eyelids fluttering open.

Crossing the room in several steps, Tonks was almost out the door when she paused at her bureau. Staring at her reflection in the mirror atop it, she was taken aback by her appearance.

Deep, emerald green eyes stared back at her through a curtain of raven black hair.

_Harry._

Focusing intently, Tonks screwed up her face in an attempt to change back to the violet eyes and bubblegum-pink hair that she had had moments before.

Opening her eyes, Tonks was angered and slightly shocked to still be facing her Potter-esque reflection. It was starting to scare her… Why couldn't she change back?

Tears quickly sprung to Tonks' eyes again.

_He can't really be de-_

Suddenly, Tonks was torn from her mental anguish as her ears caught the sound of the clang of silverware on ceramic and the hoot of a very depressed-sounding owl.

Shaking her black mane, Tonks hair slowly melted back to pink. With a sigh of relief, she began the slow descent of the stairs of her new house. Her new _home._

"Oh, Harry…" she cried into her sleeve, stopping on the landing halfway to the kitchen. All Tonks wanted to do was slide down the wall, curl up in on herself, and cry for the rest of time.

Wiping the tears away, however, her face became resolute.

She had to be strong for Remus. She had to keep her promise to Harry.

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so... good? bad?... ugly? (lol) review, please! cuz i absolutely love all of you reviewers! you guys make my day. : )

(p.s. tell me if things don't make sense... i might be getting things jumbled... or if the letters are getting a little repetitious. please and thanks!)


	6. Flames Blown Out

_**beware**: slight ginny-bashing ahead... i like her... as long as she stays away from harry!_

_if i owned it, harry and ginny would be far, far away from each other... and happier because of it!_

_(sorry i haven't updated in about a month! one word- school. gawd! i hate it so much!)_

* * *

Seventh of August, early morning

Amidst all the chaos in the Burrow surrounding the topic of one raven-haired Savior (she refused to listen to anything that involved that boy!) and her brother, the youngest Weasley and only girl received a letter.

* * *

Ginny trotted to the grayish owl at a leisurely pace, eyeing the emerald green envelope clutched in its beak. 

She glanced at the owl with disdain; the thing was positively horrid looking! Its feathers were dirty and matted and even bald in some places! She was appalled.

Ginny cautiously took the letter from the tired owl's grip (careful to not catch some disfiguring disease the bird might have) while giving the creature a disgusted look.

_Their owner should really be ashamed! Letting the thing get so… ghastly…! Honestly! Some people just don't seem to care about looks at all!_

She tossed her mane of red locks from side-to-side, fluffing it slightly with the fingers not occupied holding the letter.

Many people thought she was gorgeous. Just as many fawned over her like she was a princess that should be healthily doted upon. She readily agreed to all of the above. After all, she _was_ so much better looking than most of the other girl in her class.

Smiling fondly at her own beauty, Ginny barely noticed the owl still perched on the back of her chair at the kitchen table.

"UGH! Filthy thing!" she screamed at the worn bird, using her hands to try to rid the bird of her seat and make it fly back out the open window. "Shoo!"

With an indignant, amber glare that looked out of place on the weary owl's face, she took off with just a little ounce of difficulty.

Ginny smugly smiled and followed the owl's progression until finally slamming the window shut just as the bird's tail passed the sill.

_Those eyes looked vaguely familiar…_ she pondered, but quickly cast the thought aside; how many mangy animals did _she_ know?

Another disgusted look graced the redhead's face, making her look rather unsightly (though no one would ever tell her that). She quietly slipped into her chair at the kitchen table, placing the green letter in front of her.

Ginny observed the crest of a pureblooded family she didn't recognized emblemized on the back flap sealing the envelope. Absentmindedly, she fingered the wax before flicking her nail beneath it and opening it at last.

She extracted a whitish-green parchment and stared on in amazement as she finally recognized the handwriting.

Harry's.

_Gin-Gin-_

Ginny frowned at the nickname. Her brothers constantly called her that and after nearly sixteen years of it, the mere mention of the contractions grated on her nerves.

_I'm afraid that this will be short, sweet, and to the point, (ponders) much like yourself (well, short and to the point… two out of three isn't too bad, is it? (cheeky grin))_

_This is my farewell to you. You won't see much of me after you receive this. Hell, who am I kidding? You won't **ever** see me again._

_I must say, Gin,-_

Frown.

_-that I'm sorry. We shouldn't have dated last term. It was a mistake on my part. _

_Don't get me wrong: I love you; I truly do. I love you so much… as a friend and sister, but no more. I'm not **in** love with you… I should have never gone out with you._

_I'm hoping you can forgive me for basically using you as I did. You see, I was betraying my true feelings by attempting to cover them up with other feelings and the worst part was I knew. I knew I was doing it but I didn't stop it, and for that, I **am** sorry._

_I suppose I can leave you with some departing advice. Take it from a man that's not had much love in his life; you have so much to give. You simply need to find the right guy._

_Please, have a good life. Find a guy that will love you and treat you the way you should be loved and treated. It may not have been me, but that doesn't mean he's not out there. He is. Trust me; I know these things. He's out there somewhere, waiting and longing for you just as you long for him. Perhaps, he's not as far away as you might be thinking… (winks) Alas, you'll figure it out eventually._

_I'm saddened that things had to end so miserably between us but all will work out in the end, you'll see. _

_Wish I could be there to see it… _

_Well, can't change what must be done._

_Now, I have one more letter to write and I daresay, it will be the hardest… harder, even, than dying… (sighs)_

_Goodbye and best of luck in the new world, Gin-Gin-_

_((HJP)) Harry James Potter_

The paper slowly slid to the floor. Ginny's face was blank, unreadable.

"Oh, didn't see you there, pet. Good morning." Molly Weasley bustled around the kitchen as she distractedly murmured to her stoic daughter. She had so much weighing on her mind since Ron got his letter. "What would you like for breakfast, dearie? Anything you like."

Realizing her daughter hadn't replied, she turned to her youngest and scolded her. "Don't you think, young lady, that you can start ignoring your mother just becau-"

Molly stopped mid-rant as she noticed her near catatonic state.

"Ginny?" Molly questioned softly. "Love?"

Her hand found her daughter's shoulder, gently shaking her.

With no response, Molly began to panic.

"Ginny?" She yelled. "Ginny! ARTHUR!"

Moments later, Arthur Weasley popped in next to his wife still shaking their youngest child.

"Molly?" He tried weakly, but upon seeing the state his daughter was in, felt panic rise in his chest as well.

Calmly, he removed the weeping mother's hands from Ginny's body and looked her in the eye. She seemed to stare right through him, into another world.

"Molly, fetch me a Pepper-Up Potion, please." He stated, now having a handle on the situation.

Nodding and still sobbing, Molly rushed to the cupboard, pushing jars and boxes aside haphazardly, not caring if she disrupted her 'well-organized supplies'.

As Arthur gentle poured the spicy liquid down her throat, Ginny's vision misted and, within seconds, she was crying even harder than her mum had been moments before.

Molly rushed to her daughter, ready to comfort her with whatever matter that had put her in a temporary state of shock.

While the two women bawled and sobbed into the other's shoulder, something caught Arthur's eye:

Sitting beneath the table, under his daughter's foot, was an emerald green envelope. Beside it, another mint-green letter.

Arthur sighed, knowing.

* * *

_You know what to do, now do it! (GO!)_


	7. Don't Cry For Me

_gawd school sucks!!!! _

_p.s. my friend is scaring the hell out of me right now... so i'm gunna post real quick... and then run._

* * *

Twenty-second of August, mid-afternoon

Hermione returned home to quite a mess.

Having forgotten to suspend her subscription to the Daily Prophet while she away, vacationing with her parents, two and half months' worth of wizard papers was stacked just inside her window.

Sighing at the sheer size of the mass, Hermione was suddenly overcome with curiosity as to the state of the wizarding world.

Dropping her bags and suitcases to the floor and placing her sunglasses neatly on the dresser, Hermione worried about the news she had missed.

Reaching over, as she plopped on her bed, she grabbed the topmost paper (presumably the most recent) and scanned the headline.

Gasping, she dropped the paper to the floor at her feet, rapidly grabbing another off the pile. Scanning the front page, this paper was soon dropped to join its counterpart on the floor.

'_**SAVIOR'S MEMORIAL TO BE HELD SUNDAY**'_

Her movements were slowly becoming frantic as the next paper flashed a similar headline.

'_**WIZARDING WORLD'S HERO'S BODY STILL UNFOUND**'_

'_**THE CHOSEN ONE STILL MISSING; PRESUMED DEAD**'_

Another paper was flung across the room in disbelief.

'_**DARK LORD DEFEATED; BOY-WHO-LIVED MISSING**'_

'_**HE-WHO-MUST-NOT-BE-NAMED DESTROYED!**'_

Hermione grabbed paper after paper, hoping that the next one would reveal the others as a cruel hoax.

Thirty hysterical minutes later, Hermione, long since run out of papers, sat crying in a tight ball beside her bed.

A tiny moan escaped her mouth as she slowly began to rock back and forth. The sobs slowly wracked her body.

It couldn't be… He couldn't be de-

Hermione wept harder as the _word_ almost filled her mind with its lies and deceits. She refused to believe it. There was no way Harry would let himself be-

"Killed." Hermione breathed in a small voice. The word stung her lips and left a vile taste in her mouth. But once the word was out, it felt like an elephant in the room. Hermione couldn't get her mind away from it.

"Killed, killed, killed, killed, kilLED, KILLED, KILLED, KILLED!" With every repetition of the word, Hermione lost more and more hold on her mind. "KILLED! KILLED! KILLED!"

Hermione's fists began pounding the floor of her room. The lush carpeting merely absorbed the blows, leaving no sound and no trace of there ever being a fit.

"KIIIIIIIIILLED!" Hermione screamed at the top of her lungs, bringing her fist down for one last hit.

_-cRuNcH!-_

Hearing the satisfying breaking of _something_, Hermione finally calmed down enough to come to her senses. She searched the room for the shattered object.

As she looked around her, Hermione only found scattered- sometimes shredded- newspapers, her luggage- still neatly packed- and an emerald green envel-

An emerald green envelope with her name neatly written in a very familiar cursive across the front.

"H-Harry?" Hermione questioned in a quivering voice, her eyes widening, as her hand hesitantly reached out to the comforting emerald.

* * *

_so, i don't know. is it okay? i kind of thought this was one of my weaker chapters… what do you think? oh, and no worries- things will be making more sense soon… i hope…_


	8. My Dearest

HEY, ALL!!! how is everyone in fanfiction land?? good? great??? me? not too bad: had a nice thanksgiving (though i ate WAAAAAY too much food! but it finally gave me a chance to finish this stinkin' chapter that has been HALF WRITTEN for **SEVERAL** MONTHS!) and i just got home from a PANIC! at the Disco concert. sigh. i love them. :)

RAR!! FANFICTION WAS MAKING ME SO ANGRY!... i would have had this chapter up 4 or 5 days ago but the site wouldn't let me upload... grr...

anyway! i won't keep you from this chapter any longer! hope you enjoy!

* * *

Twenty-second of August, evening 

Hermione stared at the envelope in her hands. Her eyes never left the neat scrawling of her name, boring holes into the tinted parchment. She couldn't bring herself to open it. To open the thing that might prove to be the last link to her best friend…

_No. Don't think that._

Tears sprung to her eyes for the countless time that day. He couldn't be… There's no way he was… He's the 'Boy-Who-Lived', for crying out loud! He couldn't be the 'Boy-Who-Lived' if he was…

"He is **not** dead." Hermione stated firmly. Her best friend was alive and well, though perhaps a bit unhappy in his relatives' home and nothing would make her think otherwise.

With renewed determination to prove the papers wrong, Hermione grasped the letter tightly. She slid her finger beneath the delicately crested seal.

The crest caught Hermione's eye, its peculiar design intriguing the knowledge-starved creature within her. Despite the circumstances, she examined the wax.

A snake sinuously wound around the blade of a dagger, the hilt of which shaped in the figure of a roaring lion.

_Interesting…_ "OW!" Hermione gasped. She looked to her finger.

Dark red blood slowly pooled to the cut. A sniffle escaped her stoic demeanor.

Shaking her head slowly, Hermione inhaled deeply, extracting the brilliantly hued parchment. Unwanted dread weighed her stomach to the floor.

The sheet unfolded easily between her fingers, spilling splinters of something over the floor. _Odd…_ The gracefully messy script of Harry flowed across the page.

_My dearest 'Mione-_

Her breathing caught. It **was** him…

_These are your instructions (which I know you will follow to a 'T' (winks)): _

- place disc on floor

_-tap it twice with your wand and recite the incantation thrice: _metamorphosis abs mens mentis _(kind of a tongue twister, I must admit… but well worth it in the end!)_

- _place your finger to the surface and whisper the first thing that pops into your mind at that moment_

_-finally, grab a pillow and a blanket. (I would hate to know that I caused you any more discomfort than was absolutely necessary…)_

Hermione stared dumbstruck at the shards of scattered plastic.

She hadn't just- She didn't brea- No. Hermione was adamant against believing that she had just destroyed the gift from Harry during her… fit. _Ahem_.

Sighing with defeat as the shards glared at her in the light of the setting sun, Hermione turned her attention back to the strangely-hued letter in her hand.

_No worries, 'Mione, a simple 'repairo' will suffice._

Hermione's eyes widened, her jaw slowly falling to form a gape.

_He couldn't possibly have known!! _Hermione thought furiously. Her mind began to work in overdrive, attempting to form a reason as to how he had known.

_He must have anticipated it getting damaged in delivery. _Hermione nodded triumphantly._ Yes, that's it, exactly._

"After all, the thing is rather fragile, whatever it is," Hermione mused out loud. She gathered all the fragments of the object in a pile, placing the tip of her wand at the peak.

Muttering the repairing charm, Hermione was met with the sight of a shining, silvery disc (reminding Hermione oddly of a CD).

Without further thought, she yanked the comforter and nearest pillow off her bed and nestled herself comfortably against the short wall beneath her window sill.

Finger poised, her hand hovering mere centimeters above the disc, Hermione hesitated. She found herself overcome with a foreboding feeling. All at once, she feared the papers had been truthful, that Harry truly was de-.

Tossing a weary glance in the direction of the shredded mess, she inhaled deeply, gathering her strength and courage

Uncertainly, Hermione's finger lowered to the glimmering disc. Closing her eyes, she waited in anticipation of the feel of cool synthetic beneath her fingerpad... It never came... Moments before touching the warm silver, her arm stilled.

"I… I'm sorry, Harry… I just can't do this right now." Hermione whispered to the air. She stared at her reflection in the small surface of Harry's gift, as she pulled her finger away. Her cowardice appalled her. Some Gryffindor **she** turned out to be.

Turning away from her disgusted expression, Hermione caught the sight of something falling. Turning back, she realized just what.

A fat, sphere of blood dropped from her cut, moving in slow motion to the silvery object below. She watched as the crimson marred the reflection of brunette young woman, herself... staining. Drawing her finger to her mouth, Hermione's eyes widened in shock before the digit had moved an inch.

The disc began to glow.

Pulling away quickly, Hermione groped for her wand. The comforting wood finally in her grasp, she gaped at the mounting light show before her. Panic began to clutch at her chest. _What's happening??! What do I do?!?_

As the blaze reached a climax, Hermione threw up the first spell her mind landed on.

"**PROTEGO**!!!"

All at once, the charm disappeared and the radiating spectacle ceased.

Peaking through her half-closed eyes, Hermione glanced around to make sure she was still in her room. _And alive…_

Breathing a sigh of relief, Hermione unfolded herself from the awkward ball she had curled into in an effort to protect herself.

"What the bloody hell was that, Potter?!!!" Hermione screeched, her head whipping in the direction of the now placid disc.

Eyes growing wide, her jaw dropped.

A small, ghostly figure of a raven-haired boy emerged from the water-like surface of the disc. Hermione watched as it finally stopped its ascent, tiny, sneakered feet hovering just above the silvery face.

"_**Hey there, Hermione."**_

Hermione jumped at the sound of the familiar voice echoing through her room.

"H-Harry?" _It couldn't possibly…_

The tiny figure's head nodded, a smirk evident on his transparent mouth.

Hermione stared, a flabbergasted look on her own paling face.

"B-But how?!" she finally managed, despite the shudders coursing through her body.

"**_Well, the little gadget beneath me, of course!"_** He grinned as if it were the most obvious thing in the word. Hermione frowned. _Even the incorporeal version of him can be annoying!_ A pang shot through her.

The floating-Harry seemed to take pity on her.

"**_It's a new sort of object I've been tampering with. And the Marauders before me. Think of it as a new and improved-... No, that's not right…" _**The little figure's eyes squinted in thought. "**_Think of it as a sort of… modern-day pensieve. Yes, that's it! A pensieve with a twist!"_**

He grinned.**_ "Aren't I brilliant?"_**

* * *

Just because I'm not evil enough for making you all wait TWO months for an update, I'm going to leave it at this (somewhat) cliffhanger. ((grins evilly)) Hey! Be happy with that! I almost stopped it after "Hey there, 'Mione"... 

btw, i'm SO sorry for leaving you guys hanging like that… what can i say? school sucks. teachers suck. let's get rid of it all.

anyway, HOPEFULLY i won't be TOO late with the next update… cuz i know i'll forget where i want to go with this! heaven knows, it took me forever just to figure out what i had wanted to happen in this chapter…

also, the next chapter should be written... well, better, in my opinion. i dunno... i went back and read over the chapter again and again, and kind of went "bleh!" at the way i wrote most of it... but i wanted to get it out to you guys so i'll just have to deal with it!

oh, and i know i don't deserve it but… could ya'll review??? even if it's just to question everything or yell at me for taking forever… please…? after all, reviews equal love!


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